Written by sex journalist and expert, Gabrielle Kassel, for The Cowgirl.
Between Lollipop by Lil Wayne, Work It by Missy Elliot, and My Neck, My Beckby Khia, it seems no sex position is as sung about as oral sex—and for good reason. Full of orgasmic potential for the giver(s) and receiver(s), oral sex is one of the most intimate, pleasure-rich sex acts there is.
Now, regardless of whether or not a le petite mort is your motive, if you’re going to be making love to your partner with your tongue, you probably want it to be as enjoyable as possible. And that’s where this article comes in. Here, sex educators share their top oral sex tips for beginner to advanced oral sex havers.
Top First-Time Oral Sex Tips
Considering this tip list is being posted on the website of a sex machine, odds are that at some point you’ve been on the giving and/or receiving end of oral sex. Still, nothing wrong with a quick crash course.
1. Masturbate
Friends, no matter the sex act or position, my number one recommendation for ramping up the pleasure is going to be to level up your masturbation practice. Why? Because engaging in solo touch will help you learn what does—and does not—feel good, as well as teach you about the mechanics of your release.
And it isn’t until you know what does—and again: does not—feel good that you’ll be able to direct your partner on how you’d like to be touched. (You’ll hear echoes of this on the next tip).
Remember: Tossing off is all about self-pleasure and self-exploration. Nowhere in the Masturbation Bible does it say that masturbation must be penetrative, or focused exclusively on the front genitals (the vagina or the penis). So, take time to explore all your erogenous zones, including your bum, perineum, labia, frenulum, pubic mound, as well as your above-the-waist hot spots.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Sure, romantic comedies may have spoonfed us all the belief that a partner will come alone and make us (wordlessly, intuitively) cum faster than you can say, “Allie, girl, he’s love-bombing you. RUN!”. (Yes, that’s a Notebook reference). But this is some Nicholas Sparks mythology!
No lover, no matter how “skilled” is able to read your mind and know without any trial and error whatsoever what does and does not feel good. And that’s where communication comes into play.
If you’re the giver, ask for feedback. This will show your partner that you want to give your partner the best sexperience possible. A simple, “How does this feel?” or “Do you like it like this?” as you lick, suck, and suction will do the trick.
And if you’re the receiver, provide feedback whether you’re asked to explicitly or not. When something feels good, let ‘em know! And when you’re not loving a particular sensation, simply redirect the scene with a “Can you return to what you were doing before?” or “Slower!”.
3. Practice safer sex
Ever since Bill Clinton proclaimed, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”—and TBH probably before that, too—pleasure-seekers have thought of oral sex as pre-play (foreplay), and thus imbued it with a false sense of safety.
So, to set the record straight: Oral sex is sex, and it is not really safer sex. While the risk of STI transmission is lower than it is during penetrative intercourse, STIs can be transmitted during oral sex, from genitals or bum to mouth, and vice versa. Including: chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HSV, HIV, and trichomoniasis, according to the CDC.
What does this mean for you? That in order to reduce the risk of STI transmission before oral sex you should: Know your current STI status, communicate that information, and then use that information to determine what barrier methods (if any) you’d like to incorporate.
The Best Oral Sex Tips For All Kinds Of Oral Sex
Technically, mouths can be used to pleasure any part of the body, head-to-toe. But typically when we’re talking about oral sex we’re talking about three main types: mouth-to-vagina stimulation, mouth-to-penis stimulation, or mouth-to-ass stimulation.
Here, the top three tips for each of the three main types of oral sex.
1. Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus is the broad name for any mouth to vulva or vaginal stimulation.
Tip number one for giving great cunnilingus? Bebeyond enthusiastic!
Vulva-owners have been told since birth that their bodies are dirty, smelly, and too much. So letting someone go down on them can bring vulva-owners face-to-face (er, face-to-foo foo) with all the genital shame they’ve internalized and externalized over the years. An enthusiastic “I love going down on you” or “You taste so good” will go a long way.
Tip number two, go slow.
Friends, you are NOT metal detecting on a beach. Meaning, you do NOT want to go right for the ruby.
Indeed, the clitoris is a nerve-dense hot spot that, when stimulated, can bring your partner a lot of pleasure. But you don’t want to go right for gold!
Instead, start by stimulating your partner’s labia, pubic mound, and inner thigh, and move towards their clit when they ask (beg) you to.
The third tip is to use your hands.
How you use your hands will vary based on your partner’s pleasure preferences. But incorporating your hands could include anything from holding up their belly for easier access to spreading their labia for easier clitoral or clitoral hood access, to vaginal penetration.
2. Fellatio
Colloquially known as a blowjob, fellatio is stimulation of a penis with a mouth.
The first step for successful fellatio is wanting to be performing fellatio.
Look, we shouldn’t need to say this. But unfortunately, mainstream television has made it seem like blowjobs are expected anytime there are one or more penis-owners at play. So to set the record straight:
The only time you should perform head-on someone is because you really want to, and because they really want you to. Period.
The second step is to make sure everyone is comfortable.
Performing oral from your knees? Place a pad under your knobby knobs.
Performing it from a missionary position? Plop a pillow under your partner’s peach to lift their hips (this will give you easier access to their balls and taint).
Performing it from your back in a facesitting-esque position? Support your neck with a rolled blanket or airplane neck pillow.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to switch things up.
Generally, if your partner says ‘Don’t stop, don’t stop’... you’d be wise to not stop. However, if their reactions have slowed or your mouth and/or tongue are getting tuckered out, go ahead and switch up your technique!
Rather than deep-throating the phallus, for example, you may choose to flick your tongue back and forth against the shaft. Or, rather than sucking the shaft, you may choose to nibble on the sack.
3. Analingus
Also known as rimming, analingus is the act of pleasuring a partner’s anus with your mouth.
Start by making sure everyone knows rimming is going to happen.
No sex act should start as a sneak attack. But it’s especially important for anal kind of anal stimulation because it gives the receiver time to do what they need to do in order to be comfortable receiving.
Some rimming receivers, for example, will want to take a wet wipe to their rear, while others will want to shower, or use an enema, or have you use a dental dam while rimming them.
Your move: Ask your partner if you can pleasure their butthole with your mouth. During this negotiation, it’s also a good move to ask if they’re also open to other kinds of anal play. For example, your partner may want you to incorporate anal fingering into the act—or, they may not!
Next, get in position.
Which position works best will depend on whether or not you want to make eye contact, as well as what (if any) power dynamics you want to bring into the scene.
Lifted missionary is a great option for eye contact and intimacy, while doggy style is best for enhancing as a sub/Dom dynamics.
Finally, flick away.
The entrance of the anal opening has nearly 4,000 nerve endings. That means that almost anything you do with your tongue or mouth there will feel pretty damn good. So, don’t overthink it.
Instead, have fun trying out different flicks and licks until your partner makes that “THAT!!!” facial expression or sound.
(For even more analingus sex tips, check out b-Vibe's ultimate guide on rimming)
Remember: All Bodies Are Different
Before we send out you into the world to use your mouth, we need to give an oral sex PSA. Ready? All bodies look, smell, and taste differently.
So, don’t be surprised if the genitals you come face-to-face with don’t look, smell, or taste like those you’ve seen in porn, or pleasured previously. So long as there has been no drastic change in look, scent, or taste, it’s all good!
